i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
love makes seman taste better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The Olympian is in my bed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
