i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
