I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
