I think my vagina is haunted
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
