So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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