I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
