I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
