just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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