Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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