Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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