I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
