Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
