i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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