i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
