Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Drake has all the answers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
