Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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