No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
