I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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