ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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