I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
