Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
