$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
