I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you made out with another girl for some wings
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
