Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
