Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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