How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
