dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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