I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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