I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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