guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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