as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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