dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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