just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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