I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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