why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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