Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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