I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
