Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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