I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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