my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
