I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
