Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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