rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
