so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
