One girl and one boy is just not enough.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
