Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
