:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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