You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
