discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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