I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
