I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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